society has really screwed up our understanding of relationships, and why they work, and how they work.
i dont pretend to be a know it all but i do know ive learned a lot in the past 5+ years and even more in the past 3 with my husband.
1) he cannot, will not and should not have to read your mind. I know we all like to think he will know hot to fix whatever is wrong but he simply cannot read your mind. Make what you want/need from him clear.
2) pride kills a relationship.
3) you have to be willing to let some things go.
4) your partner is not responsible for your feelings, you are. (this is something im still working on…it is NOT an easy concept for me).
5) i know everyone says it but communication is key. I really and truly suck at communication. i talk A LOT but i dont say much, and listening is a lot harder than you may think.
6) a lot of small issues are often about something much larger, once you understand the larger issue it becomes easier to understand that original issue and tackle the way to fix the issue.
7)therapy isn’t bad, in fact it can save a marrage (not that mine needed saving but its made a lot of things A LOT clearer).
8) get your finances in order. make a budget, one that you agree on with your own separate spending accounts (or we have cash we pull out so we can tangibly see what we’re spending). Im telling you it takes a whole lot of stress off when you dont have to worry about finances.
9) men and women are from different planets. it sounds like a joke but truthfully from the therapy we’ve been through, the retreat, the reading ive done and the “comparing notes w other women” ive done, its the truth. men and women are from different worlds. there is a reason when females complain about their men is typically about the same thing and there is a lot of “OMG MINE TOO!!!” because thats just how men work and thats just how women react to men :)
10) we have this view that marriage should either be a) butterflies and roses or b) miserable. ummmmm no! marriage is butterflies and roses but you have to care for those things to keep them alive and well, they dont just flourish on their own. it is NOT miserable, unless you make it. omg so he loads the dishwasher differently, definitely not something to get your panties in bunch over all the time (think it sounds silly, stuff like that really gets to people sometimes!)
aannnddd thats all i have for now. my main thing that started this is that a) a lot of girls wanna be saved…he CANT AND WONT SAVE YOU! You have to save yourself….TRUST me on that one, its how i lived my life. needing to be saved, once i saved myself i met my husband. b)girls just want their significant other to just know how to make things better. men ask “whats wrong” women say “nothing” and then expect them to keep prying…nope sorry not gonna happen. how stupid is that? nothing….but then want them to just know. i’ve only been married for 2 years and together for under 3, so i know im no expert but i promise you we have stuff in our closet that some would NEVER guess or be able to deal with. We have had a few hard times where its constantly arguing and honestly i expect that to continue to happen through out our lives. who doesnt fight with those they love, it happens. I know with time i will gain more wisdom and knowledge but in the short time we’ve been married i can already look out and shake my head and think WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MISCONCEPTION!?!?!