With June closing out this week, my husbands terminal leave being approved and graduation behind me our move is quickly approaching and making its self all the more real. There were times I have thought I was going to have to leave the island, but until now it hasnt become a reality. My heart wretches at the idea of leaving the island behind, my bones ache at the thought of the cold, and my pits sweat at the thought of 100+ degree summers. My everything is uncomfortable. I have made many friends here, some have been around almost since day one, while other have come and gone. I have built a business which is beginning to really bloom and I have finally accomplished graduating. I love the land, the weather, the things you can do here without needing to spend money. Life seems like it is right as it should be, right?
We have gone back and forth on staying here so many times I’ve stopped getting excited about the idea. The reality is the USMC will basically move us back to the east coast for free when if we did it alone it would cost us $5000+++ to move ourselves, our home, our car, and our dog. If we move back home we have a support system that will GLADLY help us in times of need. There are no schools out here that offer the major Bill wants…really the logical side is pretty cut and clear. My heart still says DONT LEAVE, but in my head I know what the right choice is.
I’ve spent so much time thinking about this and in the end we’re moving there is no sense in fighting it. So I started to think why I hate this idea so much besides all that I’ve mentioned. I used to YEARN for adventure, new lands, new people, new experiences. All I wanted to do was to travel and live in different lands, granted those lands were European, but a new place is a new place be it European or American soil. I came to Oahu sight unseen and i knew one person, i loved an adventure, a challenge, it all excited me. When I think back to the girl I used to be I realize all the growing I’ve done. I have been presented with challenges I may have never seen if i hadn’t have moved here and because of those challenges I have grown into the woman I am today. So here life is again presenting me with the chance to move to a new place, with new challenges and new hope. Being uncomfortable and facing new challenges is what promotes growth in us. So instead of constantly mopping about the move I am going to try and face these challenges with all my strength and grow. Now that doesnt mean I wont be complaining about how ugly the beaches are compared to Hawaii, or that i wont whine about the weather because come on…if we’re honest with ourselves Hawaii is where its at! I am thankful that when my heart aches just a little too much I have amazing friends here that I know I can come and visit. Returning to this island will just be another thing on my life list of things to do!
I have to start it over again. Its been like a week and a half since ive been to the gym but im determined to finish that damn program! In the very least follow the lifting. It was SO hard to keep up with it with my family being here. We would do so much during the day i would be EXHAUSTED by the time we got home and getting up at 5am wasnt really doing it for me to workout. Granted we did some serious walking, and swimming and stuff so i was still active and didnt gain weight. Now that they have left ive been a bit of a bum and not exactly on point with diet. Whatever, I’ll work it out eventually. I wont ever get to the point where i give up and just deal with “being pudgy” ever again. I am not 100% happy with my body but im not embarrassed by it in photos in a bikini so i think thats still a plus! My body image teeters back and forth but I’m happy to say I’ve grown A LOT! With that being said haha i had the most amazing ice cream on a cone that ive been dreaming of for days and im about to have some pasta bc fuckin shit im lazy and we were left with NO money once my family left. SOOOOOO yeah lol! Maybe a walk tonight with the honey just to get out of the house. Bc ive been a bum all day and sort of loving it.
mer thanks! Im not at my body that I had when he came back but its definitely not the body i had when he left either. Trying to find the balance still. But i feel comfortable enough to post a photo in my bikini so that always says something about my body image right!?
Remember to keep your eyes open for any patterns that keep cropping up, because that’s where you have a chance to make changes.
well i think there will be some things that we will always disagree on and have a hard time with but i think its just a matter of changing how we deal with it. We are working on that and he has come with me to my therapist so that we can both hear one another bc we BOTH do a lot of “trying to win”
especially with the fam out here. the end of semester and dealing with the stress of my family has put a stress on my relationship.
we NEED to get communication worked out, we’ve totally lost control on it. hopefully therapy will be a good place to talk things out at a calm moment and then friday the plan is to put computers and phones away and lay on the couch watching movies and shit all day. we have had ZERO us time.
This is so pretty & I have no idea how you’re going to leave this place!
dont remind me. Its going to be hard but im trying to be positive. this place will always have a place in my heart but its time for a new adventure. Somethings will make you uncomfortable but those are things that help you grow. right?