karma has to wear diapers right now because she is in heat and if she wants to be in the house then she has to wear diapers. I feel $25 is worth that, but not if i have to spend money over and over again because she is tearing them up if i leave her at night. not if i put her in there for bedtime, not if i leave her during the day. But if i leave and its night time then she tears them up. i cant fucking keep spending money on her diapers like this. She is gonna have to sit in her kennel for 2-3 weeks now. And all i want to do is sob because she is going to be pitiful.
We’ll see if my friend still has her cone from when her girl got fixed but if not then…karma has done herself in. Im not buying a comfy cone because she WILL get that off and tear it up. She could potentially do the same with the plastic one but if i have to buy another one for my friend then i will. But id rather try and avoid the more money spending at this moment.
its just one of those things where because my husband is gone this is so much worse.
ugh this damn base and all of its construction! I was running my route that i run to get to the gym and it involves a hill. I run up the hill the down the hill and then around a few bends and it ends up being 3 miles to the gym. So i was going to run to the gym and then see how i feel and possibly do more cardio. Welp i get to the bottom of the hill make one turn make another AND THE ROADS ARE ALL BLOCKED OFF. I was going to detour and try to push through (fucking up my route usually really throws me off but i was going to over come that) NOPE ALL BUT THE ROAD I WAS JUST ON BLOCKED. After yesterdays session and running up hill once my legs felt like bricks, running another half mile up another hill really wasnt in the cards for me so i walked. Ran back down the hill and walked home. poop!!! prob ran a total of 1.75 miles :( ugh saturday im really going to have to push it running. Oh well at least i got out and ran some. Looks like its salad for dindin tonight!
i sort of feel like an addict. I think about my scale EVERY morning. I stepped on the scale yesterday w.o seeing what the final weight was and now i want to know. damn it! this is such a battle. However i do find myself feeling much better about myself without numbers staring me straight in the face.
for a while it was cardio that made me feel good. I mastered that and now im moving onto strengthening and I’m loving it! Im actually starting to feel good about myself and my body. It may not be 100% where i want it to be but i know with each workout my body is changing. Also know that I am making my body stronger no matter what my body looks like it is getting stronger and getting better.
Im tired of looking at skinny girls and thinking “i want that body”. A lot of those girls dont have strength, theyre just lucky to be skinny. FUCK BEING SKINNY, i want to be fit and have muscles and be in shape NOT SKINNY!
I want to lose a few pounds of fat, but if i gain that back in muscle and the pictures show a smaller me even though i weight the same I’m fucking down.
(lauren i have a confession) I stepped on the scale today (at the gym) for the first time in 5 days but i really didnt even actually wait for it to even out. I was supposed to wait for a month and now im seriously going to do it. Tonight im saying FUCK the scale. Fuck it. I am eating proper, i work out like a mother fucker, my pictures show strength progress so beat it scale! Pictures will be my new indicator. Its not the numbers its what i see looking back at me and how i feel. and right now….i feel fucking awesome.
thats how bad this situation is with boots. Today i tried to make her sit with the boots and give her treats to show her that they ARENT going to hurt her. She then remained terrified of me for a few hours.
Now I am home and i noticed she was pacing because of the boots again. She wanted food but the boots were too close so she would come to me then run away (i was near the boots) So i picked the boots up and put them in a closet so she couldnt see them. She saw me put them in there though so even without being able to see them but knowing they were there she wouldnt pass the closet without running past it.
So now ive moved the boots to the stairs away from everything she needs to pass or get to. So now she is watching the stairs from a corner as if the boots are going to get up and walk towards her! This is so sad. It really makes me upset. SOMETHING horrible happened with boots. And now bill is going to come home wearing boots. a MAN and BOOTS sounds like hell for her. ugh i dont even know what to do anymore! She needs to learn they arent scary but i feel like we’ll never make progress.
Yeah yeah it was only 26lbs but that shit works everything in your body and im so excited to start doing dead lifts. Is that silly? Oh oh aaaannnd thanks to lauren and her ridiculous abs we started doing hanging leg lifts (basically hanging from your arms and lifting your legs up….you try it!). Im so fucking amped. I cant wait for my husband to get home and be able to rock the gym just as hard as him! fucking love my trainer!